Original release date: 29 January 2008 (Kill Rock Stars)
Download “Beat (Health, Life And Fire)” (mp3)
Download “Bag Of Hammers” (mp3)
Pick up your phone, fucking pick up your fucking phone. It isn’t panic. It isn’t shock. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. I can’t say I somehow willed it upon myself. It doesn’t matter how much advance notice you get; when you’re forced to swallow shit, it won’t go down easy. Just answer your fucking phone.
“Hello.”
“I’m getting fired today.”
She could hear the direct urgency in my voice. Still, she had to ask, “What? How are you so sure?”
“Trust me. I don’t have much time to talk right now. I have a meeting with Drew and Rick scheduled just before the end of the day.”
“And you’re sure that’s what it’s about?”
“I called Susan and asked her if she knew why I suddenly had a meeting my editor and the CEO. Drew’s always harping on me, but why am I having a meeting with Rick too? She paused and then said she wasn’t supposed to talk to me. She said it wasn’t because of my writing. She couldn’t believe it was happening to me.”
“OK. What do you need right now?”
“I don’t know. I’m going to Louie’s for lunch. I’m taking a long lunch today. Can you leave work early? I can’t fucking believe this!”
At Louie’s, I first heard Thao Nguyen’s We Brave Bee Stings And All. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to it, but only because the day I was having. He had it playing when I got there. At least that’s what he said. Where my mind was, I don’t remember any music playing. Luckily, he gave me a copy of it before I left. When I think through the events of that day, the actions interplay with the songs.
When you work for the same newspaper for over 7 years, you begin to depend on certain things. Not just the insurance and the steady paycheck. Even if you start caring less about the job, you still expect it to be there until you make that decision. So maybe I checked my personal email a few too many times a day. Maybe it wasn’t smart to use my work account to email my resume. I guess I wasn’t hiding my dissatisfaction. But where I was really going to go? TV news? I sure as hell wasn’t going to that entertainment paper; I am a news reporter, not a columnist.
The rat-tat-tat crack of the snare drum opens the album. As the bass weighs down the foundation and the guitars shake out the high end, the vocals exclaim, “Beat my brow, beat my chest/ Beat the ones who love me the best/ Oh how could they be liars/ They insure me health, life and fire.” As the song builds, bass trombone and melodica lines echo the frequency extremes of the opening instrumentation. Thao sings the realization, “So you’re never gonna leave/ And I’m never gonna leave/ But I’m proud to say/ I’ve got us beat/ I’m never gonna leave/ And you’re never gonna leave/ But you’re never gonna love me like I need.”
So they fired me. They sat me down and explained I’ve done a great job, but they were doing some “corporate restructuring.” Less people are reading print media, so advertising is down. A total of 7 of us had our jobs “eliminated.” My editor, Drew, wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I felt so small. I trusted these people for so long. I didn’t love my job – who does? – but I did it well. And now they found some bullshit way of dropping me.
“Big Kid Table” opens with Thao’s vocals. As the band enters with jazzy riffs and delicate percussion, Thao sings, “And I reached high/ High as I was able/ Such a small kid/ At the big kid table.” Before the downbeats are kept with finger snaps, the vocals declare, “It is not as though/ I do not know it hurts me/ It’s just I drink only that which makes me thirsty.”
They went over the severance package. I was there for almost 8 years, but when it comes to severance pay, almost doesn’t mean shit. They would “generously” give me 1 month’s pay for every 2 full years I was there. They weren’t pushing me to sign it right then, but they sure wanted me to. They explained that I had three months to sign the severance package, but legally they could revoke it at any time. That’s when I knew I had to call a lawyer. This wasn’t going to be a happy or simple split. I was getting pissed, but this wasn’t the moment to show it.
The fourth track on We Brave Bee Stings And All, “Swimming Pools,” includes the line that became the album’s title. The song rollicks forward with banjo and electric guitar. The lyrics are about pushing forward and progressing, even through the times that appear hard.
“I moved here for this job. I changed my life for this job. Sure, Huntsville’s been good to me. I met you here.”
“And you’ve got some good friends here,” she added.
“Sure. Louie, Jeff, everybody. But…”
“I know,” she tried to assure me.
“No, you don’t.” I didn’t mean to get defensive, it just rolled out. “You’ve had three jobs in as many years. If you got fired, you’d just get a new job.”
“So get a new job.”
“It’s not that easy. You know I’ve already sent my resume to channel 19, 31, 48, 54, all of them. There aren’t a whole lot of options for me to stay here. And there’s more to it than just the job. I came to Huntsville when Drew hired me. My family’s not here. I mean, I’ve got you and some good friends, but I can’t stay in Huntsville and still work in news.”
We kept talking, but the banter was just going around in circles and making both us more frustrated with each conversational revolution.
The opening of “Yes, So On And So On” is simple and soothing even though the acoustic guitar and piano melodies juxtapose each other. The song is about wanting more than someone can give. No conversation with change desires and abilities. As Thao resolves, “It was brave to play/ It was an honor to lose/ All the banners wave/ All the fans salute/ I’m going away/ But not away from you/ I have found the difference between the two.”
A week or so later, Anne said, “I think you need a vacation.”
I snorted a small chuckle. “I think I need a job.”
“Yeah, you probably need both. But why don’t we get out of here? I’ll take next week off from work and I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
“I’d love go somewhere, anywhere really, but I can’t spend money.” I was sulking in this realization.
“You’re not listening to me. I’m taking you on vacation. I’ll plan it all.”
With the infectious organ lines of “Geography,” the driving jazz-folk of “Travel,” and sincerity of “We Go,” Thao keeps the listener wandering with her. I hear the voice of someone, like me, who has been through and learned to deal with changes. With her intimate and catchy brand of indie rock, she subtly expresses the vicissitudes of maturing. She has braved the “bee stings and all” and continued on.
As we drove to HSV Airport, I was already starting to think about my possibilities. While I looked for something stable, I would submit some pieces to publications. I could try to finish that book I started back in ’06. Hell, I could start a new one. I knew I was going to be all right. I had Anne. I had my friends. And I didn’t have that job weighing me down anymore.
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